Today is day 25 of my Whole30.
I know that I have just been recapping my days, but today I want to talk about what I did to myself on Day 23.
I forced myself to eat dessert. Now….it was “technically” Whole30 approved, since it was just frozen bananas and a spalsh of coconut milk put into my food processor to make “soft-serve ice cream.” If you have have never done this…do it today. Unless you are doing a Whole30. Or even if you are…just do it for the right reason.
I had it for the wrong reason. In my life, every night after eating dinner…I want dessert. Or I did. Until I kicked my sugar cravings with the Whole30. NOT wanting dessert every night after dinner (and let’s be honest…any time I am: bored, lonely, sad, happy, etc) is the biggest change I have seen in myself since starting my 30 days. Of course the first couple of days I wanted dessert so badly that I was craving things I don’t normally eat, even when I DO eat dessert. But it subsided around day 5. Some time around day 14 I started…and I know this is going to sound wierd….wanting to want dessert. I would think about it during the day at work. I would have this conversation with myself. “Oooh! tonight after dinner you can eat some berries with coconut milk, or make banana soft-serve. Cause you will be wanting dessert and those are Whole30 approved choices!” Please don’t get me wrong…I’ve read what the good folks at Whole9 say about eating dessert like foods when your body is telling you to give it sugar…I recognize it’s not the point of the Whole30.
So, then I would get home and start making a delcious paleo Whole30 dinner, and I’d think…”yes! after this I am totally going to make banana soft-serve.” but then…I never would. I just didn’t want it. And then…around day 20 I started getting annoyed at myself for NOT wanting it. WTF? seriously?
So finally on day 23 I decided, I am going to do it. I am going to have banana soft-serve because I know, I KNOW that I want it. So I made it for myself, the whole time ignoring the voice inside that was quietly telling me, “you don’t actually want this, you know.” And I ate that ice cream, and it was delicious.
And I didn’t feel guiltly, or beat myself up. The only thing I was thinking was, “Wow. this is pretty good, but I’m not quite sure why I am eating it…because I didn’t really want it.” In fact it has taken me two days to sort of think through it.
I’m not sure why I felt like I NEEDED to want dessert. Because that was normal for me?
My Whole30 will be complete next wednesday, but I think what I’ve learned this week, is that my journey to my “new normal” is just starting. I won’t wake up on Day 31 and say “aha! I have perfected my eating habits and now I will the picture of health.” But…I will have made a good start, and I’m ready for the rest of the journey.