Something’s happening here….

Ok, so right after I write a post complaining about how wordpress won’t let me post..it does? Whatever.

Ok, let’s get down to business.

It’s happened to me. I can hear it. My uterus reminding me that it was put in my body for a reason and not just to make me bleed out of my nether regions for 3-5 days each month, all while feeling bloated and crampy.
I want to be pregnant and pop out a baby. oh god. It’s happened. It was like a switch.
Actually…it was my nephew being born.

Really, even though every job I have ever held has involved working with kids, or managing poeple who worked with kids, I was not one of the women who knew at the age of 8 that I wanted to be a mother one day. To be honest, I don’t even know if I want to be a mother now, but dear lord do I want a baby.

It’s like…..gaining weight. It slowly creeps on, bit by bit until WHAM…your pants don’t fit anymore.
At first it was only strong when my husband held my nephew. My ovaries would start doing flip flops, and my uterus would starting telling me how much it would like to be used. But then my nephew would go home, or we would leave his house and it would all go away and I would again be greatful for my ability to have a completely self-centered existance. But…slowly it’s been getting worse. I find myself reading pregnancy blogs, and thinking about the type of birth I want. And when my nephew gets placed in my arms? I smell his sweet little head and feel his warm little body and I want to put him down, find my husband and demand he impregnate me.
again. It’s happened…and it sort of freaks me out.

So where does that leave us really? This is not a post to announce that my husband and I are “trying.” We aren’t…yet. But, we have sort of decided when we are going to talk about beginning to try, which for a couple that up until 4 months ago said they weren’t sure they wanted kids at all…feels like a HUGE step to me. and that future conversation that we are going to have really is at least 3 months away, and that is just the conversation about when we are going to thing about starting to try.

But i’m a planner, and i’m thinking now. and you know what I’m thinking about? I would really, really like to lose 30 pounds before I get pregnant. Not because I don’t think I could have a healthy baby at this weight, I believe I can, but because I would like my pregnancy and labor and delivery to be easy. I would like to be in the best possible shape for the event that will require me to do the hardest thing a body can do….create another human.

So…I don’t really know where that leaves me, or what that means for this blog…but I’ll be back..when I can.
oh, and if you know me in real life (Steph) ssssssshhhhhh.

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